shadow work

Two and a half years ago, facing the end of a 30 year marriage, I began shadow work.  Primarily through Enneagram study and many helpful guides, I have been confronting and owning the ways that I failed Mike, myself, our marriage, our family.   Some might say shadow work is humbling.  I would say it has been a shattering, a flattening.  Shadow work is humiliating, devastating, a walk of holy sorrow when we open self up to a greater awareness of one's own ego, fears, defensiveness, wound strategies, and resulting harm.  Shadow work's purpose is not to sentence oneself to a life in the shadows, thereby strengthening the false self with a life of self-loathing and self-condemnation (this is where my Enneagram 2 strong wing 1 has a tendency to live…think strong guilt/shame base with a harping inner voice of criticism), but the work is rather to help us integrate our lives, and become more aware of the patterns of thought, emotion, and actions that are centered in ego so that we might learn, grow, choose differently, become more free, more whole, and live from our true self, created in the likeness and love of God. 

Shadow work is the hardest grief and growth work I have ever done, but it is also some of the most important work.  Without it, I will continue to live from a stuck place, an unconscious place, moving about my life in a narrative that my shadow often makes up. 

As we watch and listen across our country to the pain and harm of racial oppression, I wonder what would happen if churches of predominantly white congregations would commit to do shadow work.  Digging deep into the construct of race, committing to learn how racism internalizes and manifests in individuals and systems, confronting and owning the ways we have failed our neighbors of color, ourselves, and our communities.  This work is not for the faint of heart.  In fact, it is likely to be humiliating, devastating, and a walk of holy sorrow.  Shadow work's purpose is not to sentence the church to a life of guilt and shame, but to help her learn, grow, choose differently, and become more whole and free for the church's own sake, the good of our neighbor, and for the glory of God.  Without shadow work, churches, like my own self, tend to continue in a stuck place, an unconscious place, moving about church life in a narrative that its shadow often makes up. 

The church is full of beautiful individuals and is a community that can hold one another's hands and help each other while facing this hard stuff, much like beautiful community has done for me the past few years.  God will do that too. 

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

A few places to start some shadow work at the intersection of church, history, and our racialized society are:

The Color of Compromise: The Truth about the American Church's Complicity in Racism written by Jemar Tisby

Divided by Faith: The Problem of Evangelical Religion and Race in America written by Christian Smith and Michael O. Emerson

Do you have other resources and recommendations that could help in shadow work for the Church?