emotional development

I've recently finished reading Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero. I'd recommend you read it, especially anyone who is in full-time ministry. Scazzero beautifully unpacks his thesis that a person cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature. He does a great job of examining the problem of emotionally unhealthy spirituality and providing a pathway toward health. Scazzero contends that though people may be 50 years old biologically, they may be but an emotional infant, child, or adolescent. How do you determine what makes for these emotional stages of development? Scazzero defines them in the summary below. It provides for a good self-assessment; at least it did for me!

Emotional Infants

*Look for others to take care of them

*Have great difficulty entering into the world of others

*Are driven by need for instant gratification

*Use others as objects to meet their needs

Emotional Children

*Are content and happy as long as they receive what they want

*Unravel quickly from stress, disappointments, trials

*Interpret disagreements as personal offenses

*Are easily hurt

*Complain, withdraw, manipulate, take revenge, become sarcastic when they don't get their way

*Have great difficulty calmly discussing their needs and wants in a mature, loving way

Emotional Adolescents

*Tend to often be defensive

*Are threatened and alarmed by criticism

*Keep score of what they give so they can ask for something later in return

*Deal with conflict poorly, often blaming, appeasing, going to a third party, pouting, or ignoring the issue entirely

*Become preoccupied with themselves

*Have great difficulty truly listening to another person's pain, disappointments, or needs

*Are critical and judgmental

Emotional Adults

*Are able to ask for what they need, want, or prefer-clearly, directly, honestly

*Recognize, manage, and take responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings

*Can, when under stress, state their own beliefs and values without becoming adversarial

*Respect others without having to change them

*Give people room to make mistakes and not be perfect

*Appreciate people for who they are-the good, bad, and ugly-not for what they give back

*Accurately assess their own limits, strengths, and weaknesses and are able to freely discuss them with others without losing themselves

*Have the capacity to resolve conflict maturely and negotiate solutions that consider the perspectives of others