pity vs. compassion

Some interesting thoughts compiled about compassion from author Matthew Fox and his book Compassion:

"Compassion is not pity in the sense that our culture understands pity. It is not feeling sorry for someone, nor is it a preoccupation with pain....Pity connotes condescension and this condescension, in turn, implies separateness....Pity sometimes regards its object as not only suffering, but weak or inferior....Pity works out of a subject-object relationship where what is primary is one's separateness from another....we apply pity to those who are in such a low estate that they are not or have ceased to be our own serious rivals. They are 'out of the running'. By pitying them, we emphasize the discrepancy between their lot and ours . Such attitude, we believe, motivates much so-called charity."

Compassion works from a strength born of awareness of shared weakness, and not from someone else's weakness. The surest way of discerning whether one has pity towards or compassion with another is to answer the question, "Do you celebrate with this same person or these same people?" ..Joy and celebration constitute the better half of the whole that compassion is about. Compassion operates at the same level as celebration because compassion is not feelings of pity but rather feelings of togetherness, suspended egos, or the 'feelings of kinship with all fellow creatures.' This kinship urges us to celebrate our kinship."

As I decipher Fox's writing, our common understanding in the West about compassion is often a feeling of pity that keeps everything on an us-them basis. It ends up being about competition and securing power, with the server/giver keeping the upper-hand.

True compassion, however, is about oneness and solidarity, where we understand our common weakness in humanity and experience the pain together. Joining with others in this way creates a oneness and wholeness that elicits joy and celebration in the togetherness.