needed on this journey

This was an important article for me to read this week:  http://www.huffingtonpost.com/john-metta/i-racist_b_7770652.html


Twenty years ago, I was a youth director at a church in Waterloo, IA that sits in the very neighborhood that I believe God has called me back to join in my mid-life.  Twenty years ago, I did not have a systemic lens from which to view racism.  There was a woman in our church, Carolyn, who was passionate for racial reconciliation, and she even started a nonprofit back in the early 90's to promote racial understanding and build bridges with teenagers.  I remember she would occasionally come visit me in my office, and she would share about her work and her passion for reconciliation and justice.  I was a high school youth director, and she was looking for ways we could connect our church's high schoolers into the mission of racial reconciliation.

It's interesting what I remember from our few talks.  I remember feeling at that point in my life, that she was a bit "radical", a bit "over-the-top" on the issue.  My understanding as a 28 year old white privileged Christian was that we're just called to love one another and be kind to one another regardless of race, gender, age, socio-economics.  I did not...and maybe could not even....wrestle beyond a very simple, individualistic viewpoint.  There was not an openness, interest, readiness for me to grapple with deeper nature questions or challenges that might have helped me begin to consider life and social realities differently.  I did not feel like there was a connection or a need for our white youth group teens to engage in what Carolyn was doing.  My greatest goals as a youth director were (1) inviting students into a personal, growing relationship with Jesus  (2) building community with who showed up, and (3) helping youth serve in our church and city.  I thought those 3 goals were separate from the issues and questions that Carolyn brought up to me.  I was wrong.

These interactions with Carolyn have been important for me to remember, as I am quite certain that now I am that middle age white lady who is seen as a bit "radical" or "over-the-top" regarding race, reconciliation, justice.

It's very difficult to know how to help someone like me, with my kind of life experience, walk forward into new understanding and action.  I've often likened my own 'conversion' journey as going from a one-eyed view to a two-eyed view.  Or, I sometimes tell others that these past eight years have felt a bit like taking the red pill in the movie "The Matrix".  I know that as I attempt to speak and to share the importance of this journey with others, I have to attend to the following needs.

Needed is prayer.  Someone must have been praying for me, as I didn't have the knowledge of my one-eyed-ness or the need to see from a systemic perspective.  I believe it will have to be Christ's revelation in people's lives.  The blindness is so pervasive, and it reflects that we are dealing with incredibly stubborn powers and principalities.

Needed is conversation.  I didn't write "needed are more facebook and twitter posts".  That's not conversation. We need to elevate respectful dialogue rather than polarized, emotional responses. This new thing that God is doing will require that white people actually spend some time together with people of color and listen deeply to their stories, history, and perspectives.  Friends of color, however, remind me how painful it is to continue to share their pain and to discuss their frustration and anger with white people who generally stay pretty stuck.  I heard a friend say last week that it's not the responsibility of people of color to put their pain on the table over and over for the sake of educating white people.  White folks have to take on the responsibility of educating themselves.  This is difficult, because many people like me won't even feel compelled to read an article like the one I linked to in this post, or to pick up a book and read on the topic.  It's a maddening cycle of insanity.  I do know that I now have a responsibility to use my voice and to challenge others like me with these questions: Could there be something that people like us are not seeing, not understanding, not owning...but need to be?  And what if it does have to do with us and what if it does have everything to do with the Kingdom of God and following Jesus?

Needed is a strong Scriptural foundation.  Scripture has to be used to both understand the brokenness as well as to understand the heart of God and the vision of Christ the Reconciler who can and ultimately will make all things new.  We have to begin to unpack Scripture that addresses wordly power vs. Christ's power and addresses both personal relationship and social relationship.  And Scripture reveals the only hope that I can find in this very complex mess.

Needed is love and patience.  I know that this an unfair statement to people of color who live with oppression and injustice that affects every aspect of life. I know that I cannot even fathom from a place of my privilege how difficult it must be to love or show patience in this.  I know that I should instead write "Needed is justice.  Period."  or "Needed is a sense of urgency"...because that's true...a sense of urgency for justice is what's needed.  But I also know from my own experience, that when I personally have left love and grace and patience aside on this journey, I have harmed both others and myself and have closed the door more than opened it.  This, then, is the spiritual growth defining moment in my life...to live the way of Jesus...a life toward truth and justice and love, grace and patience right smack in the middle of the injustice and brokenness.  This was His way.  When I begin to leave love, grace, and patience out of the equation, it is often because I've forgotten my own condition...how I still see through a glass darkly...how I still have so far to travel from arrogance and ignorance toward Kingdom thinking and living.  And yet, I can trace how Christ has loved me, shown me grace and patience all while he holds out truth and freedom to me exactly where I am found at the moment.  The litmus test is the fruit of the Spirit...are joy, love, patience, goodness, gentleness, self-control, kindness, and faithfulness increasingly evident in my life as I walk with others on this journey toward just living?

Needed is joy.  A week ago, CCDA's Wayne Gordon addressed a cohort that I'm a part of, telling us to "not take ourselves too seriously."  "you're not important as you think you are."  "you're too serious..have fun."  Though seeking racial reconciliation and justice is the narrow way, I have to remember that there is One who is able; who is Victor.  Joy reminds me that He gives bright spots and good gifts on the journey, and I should receive them and live with joy and gratitude.

Needed are heroes.  There are many saints and heroes that God provides along the way from whom I can learn and gain courage.  Audrey Dubose, Judy Scott, the Emanuel AME families who are speaking the Word of God and choosing love and forgiveness as they bury their loved ones. My community's black leaders who organized seven Jericho prayer marches around our city this Spring and who work tirelessly to bring learning opportunities before our community.  My friends who pastor a small hispanic church in our community and who faithfully serve a congregation that has many daily struggles.  My dear friends at Harvest Vineyard who are in the thick of the challenges present in a multi-ethnic church.  There are many local and national voices who are writing books and articles, speaking, marching, organizing.  I am inspired by their God-given courage and strength, and I am grateful for their lives, writing, teaching, challenges, and persevering spirit to see God's will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

Needed are friends.  Lastly, I am so grateful for the Christian community; so grateful that we don't travel alone.   God has faithfully placed friends in my life who are traveling along the same path. Some are further ahead of me, some are at my side, and some are a bit behind me on the road.  I know that I have more to meet, and I am so glad for this companionship!!